First Script in the bag… I only wish

So, it has been a while since I last blogged.
(this is a blogging site whose internal dictionary singles out blog blogging and blogged as needing spell checking. I’m confused).

In the meantime, I have been working on a 6 to 8-page script for this class.

I know what I want from the script.  the characters feel right and most of their dialogue sits well. (though some cuts are necessary).

The problem, which is one that as a writer I often have seems to be one of exposition.   In order to feel totally disgusted with one of the characters, you need to delve into her past.  but in 8 minutes there is not much time.  I thought a totally surreal scene was the best way of doing it. using ‘Punch and Judy’ puppets to play out the scenes which are too horrible to film on such a budget.

however though it’s as clear as day what should happen. others reading what I have put do not seem to get it.  the problem is clearly mine. but how to fix it.

one, of course, is to describe the scenes better.  but these scenes require so may directorial decisions I’m not sure how to go about it.  I could describe the character forced to sit in a deck chair while the Punch and Judy show is played laughing more and more hysterically as her evil deeds are played out.  even shouting ‘that’s the way to do it’ at the most pivotal and inappropriate moments…

The second involves me making it a more mundane scene, like something ruthlessly stolen from… I mean an homage to, ‘a matter of life a death’ (‘stairway to heaven for you Americans’). This would allow the characters socio-path tendency’s to be discussed with an ‘angel Gabriel/Stephen fry’ like character.
And even break the 4th wall a little with him saying ‘hurry up there are only 2 minutes left’ exactly 2 minutes before the first gunshot. however the short is already dialogue heavy and I have a feeling that my tutor feels a film should be more visual, (though I am on the shelf here)

I am quite torn between my original vision and this alternative.  my only recourse is to write them both and see which one stands up best….

or to point my tutor at this entry and ask his advice.  I’m determined to get it right.

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